Belly full o' pills.

I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday and have been pretty much useless ever since. The recovery process is taking a lot longer than I anticipated, which means I'm missing a few days of work, oh drat.

There are definitely pros and cons to this surgery thingy. One of the cons is that I can't really organize my thoughts in a more complex manner than This or That, so for my final presentation I have prepared TWO LISTS to share with the rest of the class: The Bad Things About Getting Oral Surgery and The Good Things About Getting Oral Surgery.

The Bad
1. I am so, so tired of applesauce.
2. The horrible pain. I made the mistake of sleeping in my bed the other night, which hardly keeps my head elevated, and I woke up completely disoriented and in the most pain I've ever felt. I don't know if any of you has ever fallen asleep while in terrible pain and not realized it, but it is the worst. I was having lots of stressful nightmares because I knew something was wrong but I just couldn't wake up. When I finally did, it took me about half an hour to transition from "I hurt so much I'm going to throw up" to "Oh hey, I should probably get up and take some drugs or get some ice or, you know, DO something about this."
3. Guess what kind of bowel movements you have on an irregular, liquid diet? Hint: I already gave you two of the words.
4. Having to sleep sitting up.
5. Living in a perpetual sweaty fatigue.

The Good
1. Less bone weight to haul around!
2. I am privileged to live in a situation where this is a common, affordable procedure. At least this is what I repeated to myself so that I wouldn't scratch the doctor's face off as he brought the IV needle closer and closer and closer.
3. The last thing I saw before they put me under was a moose walking by the window. Only in Alaska, folks!
4. The drugs, oh, the drugs! The last few days I've been on something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy and like I'm floating, except that it only lasts for two hours and I can only take the pills every four hours. My mom called the doctor and explained this mathematical error and so they switched me to Vicodin. And I know that anyone out there who has ever watched House has secretly hoped to be prescribed Vicodin at some point. I like to toss those babies up in the air and catch them in my mouth like popcorn as I limp around from room to room and draw on my white board and make up clever medical metaphors and sexually harass everyone around me. It's not lupus, people!
5. My friends and family will do everything for me. I am planted in a chair, yelling out requests: "Mooom! Will you put in the next Friends disc?" "Will!! Can I have some Spongebob Mac and Cheese?" Curiously, nobody has come to visit today.

Also, I finally got fed up with my depressing, minimalist blog layout, so I've decided to go green. Haha, get it? Like the environmental conservation movement, except I'm just changing the color settings on my rarely-updated blog while hunched over my desk in a drug-induced haze! You'd be laughing harder if your vision were blurred like mine.