This is even putting ME to sleep.

I was going to write another anecdote about my dental problems, about how halibut is now on my careful-don't-eat-that-or-you'll-be-tasting-it-for-a-week list. But then I thought, wow, is this really my life? Is my existance so dull that I have nothing better to write about than what's been stuck in my teeth lately? FOR THREE POSTS IN A ROW?

Yes.

Except, did I tell you about the wedgie I picked last week? Or that time I thought I was going to sneeze, but then I didn't? These are the untold stories of America.

I have jury duty next week, and I'm going to go all 12 Angry Men on the State of Alaska faster than you can say racial bigotry! Or at least faster than you can say "Shit, we shot the wrong grizzly bear!" Keep your fingers crossed that I get something more exciting than a DUI case. Maybe I will decide Ted Stevens' fate! Wait, that's not being tried in Alaska. Dammit. I was already starting to feel drunk with power.

The doctor made me get a pap smear yesterday, which was awful, but I realized that, phonetically, I really like the word "cervix." Cervix. Cervix! It's a very strong, masculine word when you seperate it from its vaginal connotations. I think if I were queen in a land that didn't speak English, I would name my son Cervix. It's very regal. Cervix Walls. Again, this doesn't work very well in English.

Well, it's becoming painfully clear that I have nothing to say, so I think I'm going to go ahead and stop writing.